Monday, June 29, 2009


I'm having a middle finger, mediocre Monday. Nothing particularly bad has happened to sour my usually jovial mood aside from the fact that it's a freaking Monday. My vacation is tantalizingly close which, so far, has only served to make me as mean as a three legged dog on a hamster wheel.
I've felt the compelling urge to walk around grimacing like a swarthy pirate and maybe throw in a few "Yarrrgggggsss" for people who ask me how my weekend went. This is how I think the conversation would go...

Unsuspecting co-worker" Hey Crit, how'd the BBQ you had this past weekend go" *insert smile and head cocked slightly to the side*
Evil Marauding Pirate Crit- "Yarrrgggg! *insert eye squint and a voice that sounds like I've taken 3 shots of Everclear straight* You be shuttin' your trap wench or you'll be swimming with the fishes, disguarded NKOTB comeback merchandise and the latest Jessica Simpson movie, Yarrgggg!!!"
Unsuspecting co-worker-"Are you okay Crit? Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" *insert concerned expression and yet another cockatoo-esque head tilt*
Evil Marauding Pirate Crit
-"I be warning ya' and your loose lips have sealed your doom much like that of Lindsay Lohan's acting "credibility" after "I Know Who Killed Me" *insert boot to ass, and manical pirate laughter*

Really though, the BBQ was a success, the birthday girl was happy and I have a nice new tan.

My hatred of dance nightclubs was reinforced after being guilted in attempting to stifle my loathing for the sake of KC and promptly having a panic attack amidst an odd array of arabic men and college Greek goons and really fucking loud rap music. I left that hell hole after only 10 minutes. I'm so ready to return to my hole in the wall, pub type places. Someday I hope to find a place just like Moe's (or maybe start my own?)

Time to end my Debbie Downer tirade. Here's hoping for a better Tuesday and the end of my swarthy pirate alter ego. *=-P


  1. Awesome...Moe is my favorite character! Open a Moe's bar and invite me to the grand opening!


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