Sunday, June 21, 2009

Madame, You Must Eradicate Your Weeds

How do everyone! My, my, my what a weekend this has been! (can't you tell by all the exclamation marks?)
My weekend started Friday night with an impromptu invitation and acceptance by yours truly to go and watch a friends husbands friends band play immediately after work. Since I wasn't in the mood to veg out and watch the re-make of Friday the 13th (I'm still nervous to watch it as I've heard quite a few "mediocre" reviews and I'm a die hard horror fan) I slapped on some war paint and commenced to paint the town red with friends (okay, maybe not red, but at least a fuchsia color.) I was told this band was a Tool cover band but soon found out they were a really bad mimic of Clutch and Queens of the Stoneage (both bands I enjoy normally.) The lead singer of the group was trying way too hard to stand out in appearance (I'm assuming because his singing abilities were sub par) and was wearing fishnets on his hands, a weird looking grandma skirt (not a cool kilt like Jonathan Davis from Korn) and some pink and black striped tights that I'm quite certain he picked up from the ladies section at Hot Topic. After about an hour of listening to him scream and strut like a peacock on crystal meth, I bid adieu to my poor friend who's husband was insisting they stay and finish out the performance. I met two other friends at a local tavern to wrap up the stifling humid night with some cold drinks and a long discussion about tattoo's we wish to get in the future.

My friend Jason watching the band and trying not to noticeably cringe. We listen to a lot of live music and this was waaaay on the bottom.

Saturday morning I wake up and check the mail like a good little suburban housewife and find a letter from our neighborhood association. Hmmm....seems interesting so I open it immediately to see why the powers that be of Masterson Station had sent us a letter. It turns out our flower bed "did not meet neighborhood standards" and we had "many weeds that needed to be "eradicated". I look out the window at our bed and do notice a couple of blades of grass poking up through the lava rock but nothing like the botanical garden that is indicated in the letter. When I think of the word "eradicated" I think of ensuing in battle with an unstoppable rebel force and striking them down without mercy. Telling me to "eradicate" my "weeds" just seemed a little dramatic but I suppose it is on the top of the list of "thou shalt not's" for the old turds that run the neighborhood association and have nothing better to do with their time or printer ink. You'll be happy to know I "eradicated" the hell out those weeds and took no prisoners.
Later that night I went in to spend some time with the pooches and drink some tasty adult beverages. For some reason unbeknownst to me my rat terrier/chihuahua mix Peanut and my friends Siberian Husky, Emma (kind of like David and Goliath) get into a UFC style fighting match that took me, my friend KC and 5 full minutes to get them apart. Peanut, who was taking the brunt of the beating since she is so much smaller, went on to latch onto Emma's ass as we were pulling Emma off of her and didn't let go until I picked her up and pried her little mouth off of Emma's furry behind. Upon further inspection after both parties settled down I noticed that Peanut had a gash in her ear and a puncture wound in her cheek. When it comes to my dogs, I'm quite the mother hen so I was pretty distressed to find that my furry, four legged companion was injured. In fact, I started sobbing like a 6 year old who discovered that she/he had only been given clothes on Christmas morning, but managed to Google dog wound care and follow procedures to ensure that her wound would not get infected (it's looking much better today and is healing quite nicely.)

Sunday the hubby and I watched "Year One" with Jack Black and Michael Cera, two actors whose movies usually bring me great satisfaction. Unfortunately, Year One was pretty mediocre with scenes here and there that were funny (usually the ones they used in the trailer.) The best part was a preview for the upcoming rock and sock 'em, blow their brains out, ass kickin' Woody Harrelson movie "ZombieLand".

Well, I'm finally watching Friday the 13th, so I'm off to give it a thumbs up or the finger. Ciao!
*best read when listening to Kings of Leon's "Closer"*


  1. That sounds like a great way of saying that you need to shave or wax "the" area... "I have to go eradicate some weeds"...hahahaha!

  2. I totally forgot what I was going to write after I saw what Organic Meatbag wrote. hehe that's funny.

  3. Well! I think you need to write a nice letter and stick it on a pole in the middle of your flower bed addressed to the neighborhood association, pointing out that they might want to go sit on a sharp object and spin. OK, maybe not. But seriously? They're worried their property values will go down for a couple of tiny weeds? I'd make some paper flowers with the faces of celebrities on them and plant those in your flower bed and see what they say. :)

  4. OM- HA! What a great secret code phrase that would be. As a matter of fact, I bet those old cronies that left that letter in my mail box really need to whack some weeds in their own garden if you get my's insulating the heat and makin' 'em grumpy. *=-P

    Courtney-I'm going to be thinking of that all night now and giggling like a 12 year old.

    TVA-Not a bad idea. Or better yet, why not put little cut outs of George W. Bush and his republican weiner head entourage and leave a note saying "I pulled the weeds and added lots of shit to make sure the flowers grow big and strong. Please leave a photo of yourself to ensure my green lawn and your property values. Hugs and kisses, Critina."

    Ain't I a doll? *=-)

  5. Thanks for stopping by the Charlie Project and leaving such a kind comment! I love your have such great wit!! :) Nice to "meet" you! :)


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