Monday, August 31, 2009

Moo, Cow, Moo.

It's amazing how one photo of a terribly depressing cow can reflect the current state of the United States economy. Gaunt, infested with parasites and lethargic, divided we fall.
(photo taken on a farm in TN neighboring my sisters home)

It's Monday and I have the plague (which I was told by a friend might be some sort of rebel attack from Russian immigrant hookers...perhaps they cuddled up against the new pillows I picked up from JCPenny prior to my purchasing of them seeing as how I don't make it a point to hang with Russian immigrant hookers daily) so this post is noticeably shorter. I have an online lecture concerning Comparative politics to catch up on before work, so ciao for now!

Friday, August 28, 2009


...just for your information I just had to Google the word "Looky" because I had a "moment" where the word just didn't click with the old thought box. Do you ever do that, see a word, a common word and second guess yourself as to how in the world your supposed to spell it!? It's usually common place words too,like "fart" or "muffin" nothing like "thermodynamics" or "SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS", as a nod to Mary Poppins.
And to think, I was the Spelling Bee champion of my grade school. OH, how the mighty have fallen!

I just wrapped up my first week of my senior year as a psych undergrad major. I'm already hating my statistical/experimental professor. Can you say pretentious? To kick it all, he's probably only 5-6 years older than me. *flips him off accordingly*

Last weekend I made a trip to TN to visit some of mi familia before becoming so consumed by full time work/school. Obviously this is why I've been noticeably (I hope anyway, did you not even miss me!?!?!?!)neglectful of this here blog.

Since I have to write a case study and submit it by noon I'm going to entertain you with photo story of my trip to TN and back. I apologize for the photo quality as I was using the camera on my cell phone. I'm still shopping for a new digital camera.
The hubs looking unbelievably adorable in the new ensemble I bought for him. Awwwwww.

Before driving 3 hours with the windows down and sun roof open. Need I say my hair looked much better at this point? Also notice my cute new hat. Jealous?

Notice the beautiful day? You would have opened the sun roof as well, you know it!

I passed a lot of neato Bikers, but this guy was my favorite. He was listening to Fleetwood Mac on his little biker radio. Awww.

One of my sisters adorable, camera lovin' children. Can you say Russell Crowe complex? I felt like the paparazzi!

I know, this picture is super blurry. This photo is too entertaining to ignore!

On the way back from TN I stopped at the Abraham Lincoln Museum. This is a Volk Life Mask of Honest Abe. I was severely freaked out that his hands are as big as my entire head (and nearly the size of his own!) There was also a pic of me in a union soldiers hat (which was surprisingly fashionable!), but it didn't turn out. BOO.

A really cool piece of student art found in the museum? Look familiar?

I was surrounded by cars with catchy sayings like this. I was told after I began my journey back to KY that Bristol (I had no idea what this was until my sister so kindly informed that it was some sort of racing event) was that weekend. I spent a lot of time behind testosterone fueled males trying to pretend that they too are race car drivers in their wives mini vans. Joy.

Most of the time I was surrounded by jallopy RV's that also quoted racing jargon. Thankfully, I made it home in one piece!

I hope you enjoyed traveling with me. Please notice I always wear a seat belt. It's sure to keep my head juices in place after it explodes from road rage.

Now playing: The Donnas - All Messed Up
via FoxyTunes

Friday, August 14, 2009

Slugs, Oh The Terror!

Busy, busy, busy!
I've been working some overtime this week since I'll be starting my senior year of college in a week and will have limited availability. It's times like these that I wish I hadn't lived the life of early 20's fuckery (aka partying myself sick and opting to skip class since I was still drunk at 9 a.m.) and would have already attained my PhD by now. I blame it entirely on the delicious burn of tequila which I hadn't encountered the first time until my freshmen year of college during my first stint away from home. I was a statistic and it's placed a huge bruise on my ego.
Of course, I have a ton of great memories. Nights of alcohol and hormone fueled debauchery that have produced numerous funny pictures and even more funny memories. I made friends at that point that I still count on for good times, tasty drinks and maintaining my youthful demeanor. If only I had been capable of juggling the two I would have had the best of both worlds.
Instead, I'm now in the awkward position of being a "non-traditional" student in her late 20's playing catchup with her education amongst a bunch of sickeningly refreshing group of fresh faced 19 year olds. Thankfully, time hasn't been tough on this mug of mine so I don't stand out like a sore thumb (perhaps I pickled/preserved myself in those early days with all that tequila?)
The weekend is nigh!
Before I go and get ready to work my 13 hour shift I thought I would leave you with a truefuckingstory of last weekend when I went to visit a friend of mine. It might very well be one of those "you had to be there" stories that's going to leave you sitting there scratching your head and wondering why in the heck I decided to chronicle it via this blog. If so, suck it! I thought it was hilarious! And it's my blog, so *insert sticking out of the tongue here*...
Last Saturday I decided to drive to Richmond, KY to visit an old college friend of mine for dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant so I go get my tacos de carne asada fix. Since it's THE best restaurant in Richmond, she concurs. While we're partaking of some fantastic salsa and taking in the red and green decor, giant chile peppers hanging from the ceiling and numerous sombrero's that serve as decor, our always sporadic conversation somehow lands on the un-appetizing topic of slugs.
I HATE slugs. I wish they would ALL die terrible, salty deaths. I don't care how "essential they are for the eco system" they're creepy, they're slimy, they leave weird slimy trails and make it so that I'm scared to walk barefoot in the grass at night. EWWW! I have flashes from a movie that I saw in the early 90's during my impressionable youth that has warped me for life titled "Slugs" that only confirms my terror. In it, mutant slugs crave human flesh. The tagline for this gem of an 80's horror flick is "They ooze. They slime. They Kill".

Nuff said.
Needless to say I was anxious to change our dinner conversation to something that didn't make my skin crawl in terror and my stomach clinch in sickness. Of course, my friend decides to continue musing about the eating habits of those creatures that I shall not name, which produced a question that made me laugh loud enough to cause confused (aroused?) glances from the waiters.
I'm sitting, trying to ignore her and focus on anything but the topic of her conversation when she says, while totally sober...
"I wonder what slugs eat. Don't they suck blood or something?"
Maybe she saw the same movie I did?
I'm getting her a special helmet hat produced just to emphasize her level of special.

And I'm spent....

Now playing: Hollywood Undead - Undead
via FoxyTunes

Now playing: KoRn - Dead Bodies Everywhere
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Weak Wednesday

Happy Hump Day ya'll! (I've always wondered who started the whole Hump Day thing and the details on the reasoning behind Wednesday being dubbed so). Like many things in life, it's the details that count!
I'm not feeling particularly creative or thoughtful today, so maybe Wednesday should be titled "Weak Wednesday"? The weekend is still two full days away, I still have three full days of work (if you count WW), and I have yet to win the lottery and become one of "those people" that have golden toilets and Fiji water for my dogs Tiffany bowls. Suck it Wednesday.

In other news, my dogs are incredibly depressed with all this news coverage of possibly shortening the number of days that the USPS (United States Postal Service for those of you that might be drunk or otherwise intoxicated to numb the pain of Weak Wednesday) will deliver mail. The government is considering kicking Saturday off of the list of mail delivery days to try to alleviate some of the 9 BILLION dollars of debt accumulated. Personally, it's not a big deal for moi. I do about 98% of my "mailing" via the internet, including paying bills, shopping, harassing family members I don't get to see that often, you know, the norm.

My dogs, however, are inconsolable. Even though Saturday is dog park day, and they'll get to run about minus their leashes and hump till their hearts content, we usually wait until after the mail runs so they can get a good 3 minutes of barking out of their system. Schedules are important, dear government! Sure, people will be out of jobs, but what about my dogs!?!?! I guess they'll just have to go back to eerily barking at my walls in the middle of the afternoon, much like they do in the middle of the night. I adopted all three of my pooches, so I'm not exactly sure what kind of environment they were raised in. Were they all lab test animals who can now commune with spirits? Do they have PTS? Or do they simply enjoy watching me walk to another room while shrieking much like the banshee's of ancient Irish lore?
Man, that shit freaks me out. Especially if I'm watching "Ghost Hunters" or some other freaky show that I love to saturate whats left of my left temporal lobe with, alone.
Shew. I'm rambling. My soul is sucked into the Weak Wednesday abyss. I think I'll straighten my hair. God bless the maker of the Chi flat iron! It tames my lions mane of locks. I wonder who first thought of ironing their hair for dramatic effect? Maybe it was one of those 50's era housewives who ate some lead paint and while ironing her husbands shirts for the next day of "manly business" and thought "hey...I'll iron my freaking hair. Yeah, that'll be totally hot stuff." Whatever the case may be, it sure does make my hair more manageable and glossy and less like the Cowardly Lion.

Ahhh. Buddy just ate my turkey sandwich. Instead of stopping him, I'll just snap a pic.


P.S.-This has brightened my day, so hopefully it will do the same for you my lil Baby Sasses!

Now playing: Kings of Leon - Notion
via FoxyTunes

Monday, August 3, 2009

The HeART Of The Matter

So, I've just finished reading a really good book. Not good, great, titled "Lulu Meets God And Doubts Him". It's a book that I randomly purchased during a book buying frenzy at Half Price Books, probably because I liked the title and because it was on sale. I love that store and could easily drop $500 there and only be getting started, so advanced is my book buying/reading affliction.
I've had the book for well over 5 months and finally got around to reading it a couple of days ago. Contrary to the title, the book has very little to do with "God" but very much to do with the spiritual nature of artists and the fickle nature of the "artistic social scene" in New York. The book paints a very vivid picture of the "hot or not" labels pushed onto "emerging" (other wise known as "newb") artists and the mediums that they use to create the visual representations of their soul (or in some cases, whatever their gallery asks for). I'm going to quote the synopsis since a.) it's late b.) I'm still whacked out on muscle relaxers and finding it hard to focus c.) cause I wanna'.

"In this enjoyably tart art world sendup, winsome, aper├žu-spouting Mia McMurray (think Party Girl–era Parker Posey) is a gallerista—one of the invariably decorative young women who act as a gallery's de facto concierge, and "who is always, always watching," as Mia herself puts it. A mysterious portrait by the recently late Jeffrey Finelli (killed by an errant cab in front of Mia's Simon Pryce gallery) gives the novel its winningly clumsy title and sets up its main conflict, between grasping art collectors and representatives of Finelli's estate. Former Mademoiselle and Woman's Day editor Ganek, herself a significant art collector, offers sharply drawn characters and convincingly savvy details. That the book's most important female collector is presented as a loudmouthed and overdressed refugee from Absolutely Fabulous gives a sense of its waspish humor. But Ganek stops short of crude caricature, and Ganek's portraits of the variously sneaky, ridiculous and pretentious art world denizens are tinged with affection and depth. The tone is sophisticated chick lit, and there's a sweet love story threaded in, but what most clearly animates this debut, and sets it apart, is a real sense that art matters."(June)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

The book really struck a chord with moi, as I've been expressing myself on canvas for as long as I can remember. I'm no Pablo Picasso, but I put my whole self into my work and like it enough to not burn it. There's one particular paragraph that so accurately described my art experience that I felt like maybe the author had somehow delved into my mind mush (via alien space craft perhaps?) and written down what she found there. Anyhow, here it is...
" There's something in my eyes when I look at them in the mirror, what is that? Not doubt. More like insecurity. I want to convey an expression of what it's like to be twenty eight, knowing your a grown-up but wondering what you're supposed to be when you grow up. I want to capture what it looks like when you start to realize you have to let go of your dreams. I want the pain of my own artistic yearning to appear there, on the canvas. As I paint, I lose myself in the joy of the work. Later, I'm overcome by an old familiar feeling of faint hope, that maybe I'm capturing something there on the canvas, some essence of what in my mind's eye... God is that you?"
If your into artsy fartsy things or if you looking for a good read while your on the crapper *cough, fellas* I would highly suggest giving "Lulu..." a shot.

Now playing: AFI - The Leaving Song Pt. 2
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Hurricane Soul and Tsunami Thoughts

“Sometimes what we call love is just a settling of old scores, or a seeking of forbidden pain, or a circuitous path to the kingdom of cruelty, or she may simply have confused lack of capital with heroism while searching for rescue without knowing from what.”- Anne Roiphe

It's Saturday and I'm posting! I've been online quite a bit in the last few days thanks to the previously mentioned back injury Whats on ye olde mind tap? Besides wishing I could trade in my current back for one less riddled with pain, just that far too many of my friends are deeply unhappy with the romantic aspects of their lives. Those friends that I have that are single are either celibate completely and refusing to date or dating assholes whose self absorbed antics traumatize everyone involved.
Attraction. It's a necessity when your looking for someone to share your time with. When I was younger, like others my age, I was attracted by things that simply pleased my eyes. It didn't take long for me to realize that although my eyes might be pleased by the physical features my heart was often left empty and without love. This was when I discovered lust. Deciphering the two can be a trick since as humans we're instinctive and more often than most will admit, primal. There were two sides to this relationship thing. Interesting.
When I was seventeen I met the man I am now married to, Dan. He was the first person I had met that not only did I find physcially stimulating, but intellectually and emotionally as well. I was overcome with this feeling of "togetherness", and felt for the first time that the world truly is a small place if in all of it, I could find someone who "fit" (please supress giggles your juveniles!) me so well. Of course life happened and we took separate paths for quite sometime (about 4 years), often merging briefly during his military leave, but keeping our distance until the military part of his life was behind him. I did a whole lotta' lustin' in that time and discovered that it's really not the sort of lifestyle that makes me happy. This was when I discovered that I was, indeed, a relationship person. When The Hubs came to me after our separation I was surprised. It had been over a year since we had talked. I had just ended a really terrible relationship with a Cajun douche bag and was back to my "primal ways". I was living with the besties at the time in a townhouse that doubled as "Party City" during the brief year we lived there. I'm veering off subject again. When nostalgia takes over, my blogging seems to become quite sporadic. I had always thought about Daniel, but didn't see how we could be "us" again after all the curve balls life had thrown at us. He just showed up at my doorstep during one "girls night" and said "I'm out of the military for good now (after serving 8 long years in the U.S. Navy) I think it's time we were us again." Very Jerry McGuire. And we were.

Over the course of the past 28 years I have met a multitude of people: roommates/dorm mates, co-workers, people you party with, people you pray with, people you shop with, people that I hold close still and people that I'm happy are gone from my life. In those years, I have gained a thorough understanding of what it is that I find attractive in other people. Through the process of trial and error, all of us find what characteristics in other people that we find exciting, soothing, annoying, irresistible, intriguing...etc. Based on that knowledge we connect with those people that believe will add value to our time.
This is where I get frustrated. This is where I shout to the heavens and say "whyyyyyyyyyy is this STILL a problem!?"

Why is it, that people MY age, are so utterly hell bent on CONSISTENTLY choosing people who they a.) Share no common interests with besides the obvious need for food/water/shelter b.) People who closely resembles those who have gone before and not worked out. I'm all for giving everyone " a chance" and not making decisions based on the views of others, but you can't deny the truth in the old saying "where there's smoke there's fire".

I'm not singling anyone out here. I know of a couple of people that are probably thinking "that bitch, I just KNOW she's talking about me", but in truth this is just a very general assessment. The fact that I can think of at least 6 people that this applies to in my social circle, speaks volumes.

As a society, is there SUCH a stigma on being alone that we would compromise ourselves just to be a part of a couple? I know I'm not single and in truth, I haven't been single for an extended amount of time since I was 17 years old, but those times that I was I never felt like I just HAD to be with someone even if I knew that person was bad for me. I've made BAD decisions, but it was never because I was simply scared of being alone.

BE HAPPY! That is the best advice I could give to any of my friends who find themselves ready to reprimand me for this blog because they just KNOW it's about them. Maybe in the movies being a sad sack is considered sexy but in the real world, where we all have problems on our own, it's very rare that a person is going to be drawn to you if your continuously sulking. I'm not saying fake it. Seriously go out and do the things that you enjoy and pretty soon, you'll be happy, with or without someone to hold your hand while you do it.

STOP WAITING! Live your damned life already. Time will not go backwards if when your 50 you realize "hey I should gone on and *insert wish here* instead of holding off until Mr. or Mrs. Right could join.

BE YOURSELF! Even in the beginning. Gals, don't try and pretend like you don't need food even when your out for dinner, and guys if you curse like a sailor, let it be known up front. The purpose of that date is to decide if the person your out with is compatible with YOU not the person you think they would be interested in. The only smart thing I've ever heard Dr. Phil (who I'm quite sure is the Antichrist with a Georgia accent) say is that the reason most marriages are failing these days is because we create these alter ego's in the beginning of relationships that over time become too much to maintain because they are just facades. As you grow comfortable with someone, all those little things that you lied about add up. If you don't like Chinese food, just say "Hey, I think it's gross" instead of picking at your spring rolls and smiling like a cheshire cat because you think it will make you more attractive in the eyes of a potential life partner. It's gonna' look mighty weird down the road, should things work out with that person, if one day you snap and say "I fucking hate Chinese food, can't we just eat something else". NO ONE likes being lied to, even if it's something seemingly insignificant like that. It creates doubt, doubt creates distrust, which leads to fighting, clinginess and just a breakdown of the structure of the relationship.

If your with someone just too keep from "ending up alone", well, I'm of the opinion that you have no right to bitch about how unhappy you are (unless you've been ball gagged and stuck in someone's closet, gotta' have a disclaimer). It's so cliche, but the truth is life is short and the one we're living at this moment will never be repeated, so make it count! Sure, in any relationship your going to have days when you'd rather chew your own leg off than talk one more time about bills, family gatherings, crazy kids (including those of the four legged variety) etc, but at the end of the day you KNOW the only way to make things better is to curl up next to that person and sleep until a better day rolls along a few hours down the line.

Stick to your guns about those "standards" that you have that pertain to motivation and passion, but be a little more flexible when it comes to physical appearance (not EVERYONE can be Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt) or monetary value. Those are precarious things, like building a home on a sand dune. Over time those things can change. I absolutely agree that you have to be attracted to a person sexually if you plan a future with them, but that doesn't always come from eye candy. Sometimes people become attractive because of those things they do to make us feel our best. If someone can make you smile after you've had the day from hell, that's a start. If someone can turn you on simply by looking at you a certain way, that's a damn good start.

I've had a lot on my mind obviously.
I derive happiness by witnessing the happiness of the people I care about (being an empath sometimes sucks balls). Embrace this life, Debbie and Donnie Downers and take it for everything it's worth. Love yourself and when that happens everything else will fall into place. Remember, confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear.


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