Sunday, July 26, 2009

I'll Meet Your Anger Management And Raise You One Dropkick To The Face!

Gather round folkies, and I'll fill you in on a little something about myself that you might not know just from reading my random blogging.
Sometimes, I get angry (okay at least 3 times a week on average). When I say angry I'm not talking about muttering to myself and sulking off into a corner to hold imaginary "I would have said THAT" conversations". I'm talking about honk my horn, wave my fist, I would stomp your guts in if I could, angry.
This is something that has been cultivating since our move to a suburban area where I'm constantly assaulted with mind blowing feats of inconsideration and stupidity, including the harassment letter we received a few weeks ago for having a few sprigs of grass (A.K.A "weeds"" during a particularly busy work week from our lovely neighborhood Nazi's association. You can rest assured that I took no prisoners in my flower bed that day and I murdered those grass sprigs weeds without mercy (imagine a growling lunatic wielding a trowel and you would have a pretty accurate image of yours truly that day)

I know that anger is bad. I know that it hurts me a thousand times more than it hurts the people or things that my anger is targeted towards. I know a life lived with minimal anger is a better life, a more peaceful, centered, joyful life. Up until now, I've been pretty slow to "rile" as we call it here in the South. I have a family tree full of Irish hot heads who didn't know when enough was enough and a family cemetery full of people who died much too young from heart attacks (our low stupidity tolerance is obviously genetic) so I'm willing to work on finding my chi, my zen, my nirvana so that I don't croak by the age of 40.
I vent. I steam. I froth at the mouth when I am passed on the median of the road by someone who is obviously running late for their daily douching (I'm sure you could call ahead, bitchy soccer mom, and they'll watch the extra 2 minutes you gain by passing me illegally). Or if someone gives their cashier at the grocery a hard time for not reading their mind and using the coupons they still have stuffed into their grubby, obviously "malnourished" palms.
Today I'm going to try get in touch with the calmer me, the me before I was poisoned by suburbia's "fast this" "hurry that" "drink the Koooool Aid Critty" "We secretly worship Satan" mentality.
Yoda said it best and since I'm a nerd for even referring to Yoda at all, I'll go the distance and actually quote him just to display how desperately geeky I am..."Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
You know, for a little green dude living in the a sewer swamp, he was pretty spot on.


  1. You will all be happy to know I didn't get angry once today. Hold the applause!!
    *taps fingers together Mr. Burn's style*

  2. Hey Crit, what are you going to do about those weeds now? Oh by the way, can you scooch over a bit? I'm getting ready to pass you on the shoulder...kidding!!!

  3. OM-Don't make me Jedi mind trick you into a ditch mister! *=-P As for "the weeds", I'm seriously considering dousing my entire yard in "weed killer" just to give those egocentric, self important soccer mom's something to really discuss at their next douching.

  4. hahaha, well why is this not that suprising to me? hmmm...

    hey, go to bali or some other island some time... I can ensure you, no anger there :P hahaha


  5. dood! suv jerkwad totally jerked it up on the shoulder friday and i'm STILL mad at them. chuck even said, "maybe they had a flat tire." after unwidening my eyes i said, "THREE EXITS?????"

    so, yeah... if you figure that whole thing out? let me know. please?

  6. hahaha hilarious! Very entertaining. I get pissed too,particularly road rage...i get really annoyed easy behind the wheel...too many people that shouldn't be on the road, i could be one of them..hehe.

    thanks for being a follower and sorry it took so long for my ass to visit, its been a hecticly busy summer for me so far and i'm not as regular on the commenting,etc and blogging for that matter. I shall return..^_^

  7. you must have unsurmountable strength to resist the suburb kool aid, i know you can do it!! when i start to get pissed about assclown drivers or other such things i just remind myself that there's no cure for stupidity.

  8. Yoda was a wise one, but I think venting has a place. I try to let it all out when I'm driving. Heck, I'm alone and I can scream and cuss all I want without bothering anyone. So if you ever pull in front of me in traffic, look in your rear view mirror. If the woman behind you is turning purple and waving her arms, it's probably me.

    Thanks for visiting Prattle.

  9. Tooth Fairy-People on vacation are even CRAZIER! Perhaps I should seek out the island on Lost. Limited driving there. *=-P

    MyLil- Will you be my pen pal when I'm finally arrested for assaulting the next person who passes me on the shoulder or median? If you go to jail first I promise to send you cookies if you say yes. *=-)

    Clor- Glad you made it over! Please feel free to mosey over here anytime.

    Lana-It's even cherry Kool-Aid, my favorite! The only thing that stops me is that it smells faintly of Massengil and perms. *=-P

    Py- Either I vent, or my head will explode much like something from Tom and Jerry (or maybe it's Itchy and Scratchy?)


Questions? Comments? Piercing Critical Insights? Have a million bucks you wanna' pass my way? This is where you let me know all that.


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