Another restless night passes me by rather lethargically, leaving me with buckoo amounts of spare time to contemplate the inner workings of myself. Because it is 2:37 a.m., this delving into my inner psyche isn't exactly peachy keen and jelly beans in nature. Tonight's topic?
Fear.
Growing up, my fears were based around whatever movies I had watched, ghost stories that my friends passed on, or getting separated from my family in Wal-Mart and being abducted by some sicko who wanted to harvest my childish body parts for some sicko skin mask or something. I was absolutely terrified by the first Gremlins movie (I swear, I lost at least 3 weeks of sleep my 1st grade year thinking that Spike was lurking somewhere in the shadows of my room). It's funny to think of that now when I watch that movie, that I was ever intimidated by such a crudely made puppet. (The same thing goes for Stephen Kings "Cats Eye") My fears were based on the things in life that I (and most of the general public) didn't understand. Because I was instilled with the thought of "anything is possible", it seemed natural to assume that scary creatures hid in my closet waiting for the very minute that one of my toes slid out from underneath the covers.
Now that I'm older, I fear the things that I know. Cancer, mental illness, abandonment, my dogs breaking their leash and running head first into a car, inability to reproduce, Rush Limbaugh, and nuclear warfare to name a few. These are things that I think about when I've had a bad day and want to punish myself with "what-if" scenario's. I can sleep with my feet out from under the covers now, but sleep is harder to come by as the sands of my hour glass settle at the bottom keeping company those years that had gone ...
I never thought I would miss the days when my biggest concern was some imagined ghoul with a foot fetish stalking me like an overzealous Britney Spears fan *cough, Crocker*, but I do. I know that most would say it is easier to deal with those things we know exist, that we can formulate solutions to, and prevail over those evils. I disagree. As much as I wish it would, being held by someone you love doesn't stop the threat of cancer slowly riddling your body. Turning on the light doesn't stop thousands of women from being told "I'm sorry, your simply not a good candidate for reproduction".
Not all scary things go bump in the night. The things in life that are truly scary are things that we feel we have no control over. Things that we KNOW exist, that we have little or no control over, those are the things that keeps a gal in her mid twenties blogging, instead of sleeping.
Since I'm being neurotic and can't sleep, I think it's only fair that I ask ya'll to spill your guts on what your greatest fear is. Unless...spilling your guts IS your greatest fear. So complex!
Terminal illness is also my greatest fear...I don't fear death, but I do fear suffering until my dying breath..
ReplyDeleteRush is pretty scary.
ReplyDeleterush is scary- actually all these idiots who get to voice their opinions nationally really scare me.
ReplyDeletealso, losing the ones I love. For a youngish person, I've seen a lot of death in my life- though its always been friends, parents of friends, or elderly family... I don't know what I would do if anyone in my immediate family would die or get terminally ill. Sometimes I think about it and its get me paranoid to the point of crying, making myself settle down and calling to make sure that person is alive.
I think I could handle myself dying. Even if it was slow- I'm not afraid to make the necessary arrangements to end the unneeded suffering.
The most terrifying bit of Gremlins isn't the Gremlins themselves but the story told by Phoebe Cates:
ReplyDelete"It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus."
As I've got older, things tend to bother me less. AKA Shit Happens!
But to answer your question, my greatest fear is to end up in a mental health facility.
ReplyDeleteMy greatest fear... I think you've done a fabulous job with this post speaking to my greatest fears. Losing my husband. Not being able to have a baby. Not knowing if I want a baby. My husband becoming ill. Cancer. Accidents. Pain. Loss.
ReplyDeleteGremlins terrified me as well - I was about the same age as you when I saw it. Scary stuff!
I've already lived through my biggest fear of losing my children (x2), but if something like that happened again, I would probably go insane. And of course anything that is unknown and death.
ReplyDeleteAnd Gremlins...so many bad dreams about those darn things when I was little! Glad to know I am not the only one!
Cancer, terminal illness, accidents, pain, loosing my family and friends, loosing my cat!!! and vomiting... yup that's my irrational fear!
ReplyDeletewell said. Your fears are many of my own fears. When I was a kid I was afraid of whatever movie I had seen last. What mother lets her little kid watch candyman? My mom! I was terrified for a long time :) I am in great fear of not being able to reproduce. I have no reason for this fear but I just want a child so bad It is one of my biggest fears. (first time stopping by, you were recommended highly by Chanda!)
ReplyDeleteFunny, I don't really share your fears. I do fear loosing family and close friends. But sickness, cancer, pain, death... I don't fear that... kinda strange right?
ReplyDelete*loves*
I don't handle death or sickness very well especially if it's happening to someone I love. My greatest fears are cancer and alzheimers, or actually someone I love having alzheimers. I don't think there would be anything more devasting then someone I love not even remembering me or our history.
ReplyDeleteI would say that alzheimers is also my fear. To slowly no longer know my loved ones names. To feel confused, and alone. My fear of not being able to have kids has past. I can instead be the crazy dog lady just the same.
ReplyDeletekeep your head up always. No matter how bas it gets there is someone out in the world with it 10 times worse than you.
Terminal illness is also my greatest fear. It's always in my back of my mind.
ReplyDeleteDid you see the exorcist and the omen? Now that is some scary stuff!
Btw, thank you for stopping by my blog :)
My greatest fear isn't dying... It's being alone when I'm old.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 10 my greatest fear was of the Cockamouse. I saw it on telly once when my parents were watching "How I Met Your Mother" and it really freake me out. When I'd looked it up, I knew it was true. There was pictures and sketches and comments from people who saw the same thing, and it would lurk on my mind for years. When I was about 16, I then realised it was all just a dirty trick.
ReplyDeleteMoral: Don't trust the computer absolutely ALL the time!